The BIGGEST FUNNEST most PSYCHOTIC Adventure EVAH!
by Don't-wear-it-out
Summary: Blindy proof read this; so a big thankyou to her! The Gundam Wing soldiers are continuosly terrorised by a psychotic, superpowered girl with wings who runs in randomly and kicks Wufei in the shins! YEP! It's Crazy! Oh Yeah!
1. The Start of Tradgedy!

Before we start this story, first we'll begin with this...

It is midday and here we find the hard done by author banging her head in frustration against the desk. She is resubmitting the story, unchanged, even though she still feels that she might actually change it in the future someday. She would like to apologise to her readers and say that she'll try to do the almost impossible and ACTUALLY MAKE UP HER MIND! Anyhoo, the latest chapter of the story has already had at least three fifths of the plot thought up and part of it is written down. And she is nearly finished the first chapter of a different story that she set out to do a few months ago. And so now, without further ado...

DISCLAIMER: Gundam isn't mine, not like we couldn't tell so just pipe it and let the story begin...

Chapter 1: The Start of Tradgedy!

It was late – midnight – and in front of the computer she sat, clad in her blue and purple striped yumi suit once again, watching the screen intently as countless episodes of Gundam Wing flashed across it. The soft glow lit up the TV's reflection in her deep purple eyes, and a slight breeze that blew in from the open window tossed around and played with her dark, chocolate brown, anime-styled hair.

It was a rather odd haircut; she'd found the style in a book. It started out short and thick and was layered from the top of the back of her head, coming down in a slant until it lined up with the lobes of her ears. From there it took a very steep dip downwards so that she had two long strands of hair going down the sides of her shoulders. Finally, it was finished all off with a thick, touselled fringe. She very proud that she'd managed to achieve this look of manga/anime, but in her current form she still looked just as real as the world that surrounded her.

"Ohhh," she sighed, still staring love-sick at the screen, "Heero, Quatre and Duo are _so hot_! Wufei isn't so much though, and Trowa needs his fringe cut. Badly." She quite enjoyed talking to herself and hearing her own thoughts spoken aloud.

Just then, Wufei spit out another one of his slightly anti-woman remarks, and as a former obsessed feminist Hiki found this insulting.

"Ooooo! Some days I would like to just go in there and kick Wufei in the shins. Heh." She smirked. Suddenly, she had an idea! A brilliantly delicious idea! A slow, wicked smile crept across her lips as she hurried to the closet.

She reached in and pulled out all of the high tech equipment and survival junk that she'd ordered using her mom's credit card and then pulled out a large cone shaped rader-type device. It was the "Zap-Yourself-Into-Another-Dimension...Um...Thing" and was only about the size of a bench lamp. The company's motto had been, "This isn't a gimmick! Our product really works! We swear!" She felt a little uneasy about using it, but continued to program all the shows that she wanted to visit into it anyway.

Then she dashed back to the cupboard, grabbed the multi dimensional storage bag that had come with the radar thing, and proceeded to stuff all of the high-tech survival equipment and supplies into the infinite storage space. She grabbed a watch and some choclate bars. Lastly, she aimed and fired the 'radar-thing' at the screen, and making sure to grab both the radar and the supplies, jumped into large glowing white portal in front of her and dissapeared.


	2. Kidnapping Gir!

DISCLAIMER: Author is standing out in the middle of a field, a voilent storm is brewing around her. All around the edges of this field are tons of wood critters watching. She raises a single arm towards the sky and it soon becomes obvious that this is some sort of test. **"I, the author, swear that Gundam Wing, Invader Zim and both shows' respective characters are the sole property of their original creators and their current owners alone and are _NOT MINE!_ And may I be struck down with lightning if I lie!"** Two minutes go by, nothing happens. Author lets her arm go and then shrugs. "Well, glad _that's_ over! I'm hungry. **Hey who want's pizza?**" "Oh ME ME ME!" And so the clouds clear and some really cheesy meadow music starts playing as all the little hungry animals start following her off stage. And they all live happily ever-after until the _**NEXT TIME**_ **that I have to write a _stupid _disclaimer that is already so obvious anyway!...**

Chapter 2: Kidnapping Gir!

The portal opened, dumping a brown haired girl, complete with wings, onto the sidewalk of the 'Invader Zim' cartoon world. Hiki got up and streched her newly aquired white wings, grateful that the telepathnic transmorphic drive had detected her preferences. Her other freshly aquired ability was electrical control over forcefields. She intended to change those options around a bit when visiting some of the other worlds, but for now she was satisfied and proceeded to skip absent mindedly through the streets humming like an idiot. Her mission; to find the invader called Zim's house and to steal his robot Gir.

Hiki really liked this particular cartoon, but upon observing the creepily drawn world surrounding her, she was glad that she was only here for a short while. Oh yes, she would be back to terrorise the cast of Invader Zim. She couldn't just visit every other favourite show on her list and not include them. But this place was way creepier when you were actually in it rather than just viewing it from the safety of the T.V.

She stopped and dropped everthing to take a look at her hands. She let out a gasp in shock! She had suspected that when she appeared she would be melded into the style of the dimension. But the way her hands where drawn 'here' truly freaked her out. She didn't even want to look at the rest of her reflection.

"Whats the matter, _alien_?" came a familiar voice down in front of her that jolted her from her thoughts. "Don't like the condition here on Earth?"

Hiki paused as she looked down at the wide-eyed boy in glasses smirking in front of her. He held a pair of high tech opened handcuffs, wore a black trench coat over a blue smiley faced shirt and also wore oversized black boots. His black hair had a cowlick at the front that swept up and backwards over the top of his hair like a scythe. Hiki slowly started to smile a big, maniackle grin.

"DIIIIB!" She squeeled at her favourite IZ character, causing him to back away fearfully before she scooped him up in a tightly embraced hug!

"Please gasp! let _wheeze!_ go of me! I need to _cough) _breath!"

"Oh, right," she said quickly, putting him down. Dib backed off a few yards before asking the next question.

"Uhhh... do I know you?" he proceeded cautiously while eying the alien maniac.

"Nope. But I know you. Along with probably thousands of other IZ fangirls who think that you, by far, are the better character than Zim."

"Aaaarrrrgghh!" Dib yelled fearfully and jumped back. "You're a f.. f.. f.. f.."

"Fangirl?"

Dib gulped and nodded. "How did you get here??! Are there more coming??! _Pleeeaaasse_ don't hurt me! I've got to warn Zim!"

"Chill out! I'm the only one. I got here through this device here." Hiki held up the radar-type-thingy. "I'm traveling through multi-fandoms and I came here to steal Zim's robot, Gir, and then off I'll be. It's for a few massacre - I mean harmless pranks that I'm going to pull on the cast of Gundam Wing."

"Okay..." Dib said slowly, eyeing the device and edging closer and closer. He made a lunge for it, but Hiki put up a forcfield which Dib painfully bounced off of, causing him to hit the hard pavement behind him.

"I'm sorry!" Dib stated with trembling in his voice. "But I can''t allow you to bring anymore fangirls in here! Do you think we don't know everytime you people publish something horrible about us? We opened a web-gate to you via the internet a long time ago and we still wake-up screaming with nightmares! What you people have decided to do with me, Gaz, Zim, Tak and the rest of them, it's," he shuddered,"it's _disgusting_! If more of your kind were allowed to come through into to our world, we'd be doomed!"

_Hmmm._ Hiki thought it over and saw an opportunity. "Chill! Ok? I'm not that bad! (Pfft! Yeah right!) This is my first fanfic, so give me a break! It's not even about you, Zim, Gaz or whoever else is in here anyway! It's about Gundam Wing! Alright? I'm here to pick up the robot, then leave. Now if you could just point me in the right direction, or possibly walk me there, I'll take my robot and go and I won't bring any more fangirls to your dimension. Is that cool?"

Dib thought about it. It was just a useless little robot. And as far as he knew, Zim hated the thing. Still, he had to ask. "And what if I don't?"

Hiki squinted her eyes and dark clouds gathered overhead, much like when Gaz was angry. Dib let out a strangled gasp when blue energy balls began to power up in her hands.

"Then I just stay here and decide to reign havic on your little neck of the woods instead!"

Oh. "That's o-ok, " he stammered, "I'll take you there. J-just follow me."

Suddenly, the sky cleared, the sun shone, the birds whistled – no, wait, _I_ _hate_ _that_! 'Tweeet!!' 'Snap!' 'Crack!' That's better – and Hiki's face cheered up.

"Thank-you! That's better!" She sweetly smiled and they both began the treacherous, long walk to Zim's. They walked and they walked and they...

"We're here!" Dib stated a few houses down. Hiki smacked her head. _Duh_! Wierd green house, pink roof with knomes on the lawn. _How_ could she have missed it?

Hiki started up the pathway to the front door, stopping mid-way to turn back to Dib. "_Are you coming_?" It was more of a threat than a question. Dib motioned to the robotic knomes on either side of the front lawn. They were now moving in on her position, lasers ready to fire. Hiki sighed and put up a forcefield on either side of her. The lasers bounced harmlessly off. She glared back at Dib. "Are. You. Coming?" He came.

Dib paused when they reached the front door, unsure whether or not to knock. Hiki just knocked. Zim, the kid-sized alien, opened the door wearing a facial mask and cucumbers over his eyes.

Dib scoffed. Hiki repressed a giggle. "Zim, my name is Hiki and I would just like to know if..."

"Who are you?!" Zim screeched with the cucombers still on his eyes. Dib sighed. He knew what was coming next.

"I said my name is Hiki and I would like to inquire about..."

"_Who are you_?!" Zim screamed even louder.

"Well, comma if you would let me explain, comma I..."

"_Who. Are. __**You**_" Hiki impatiently pressed her lips together and decided, followed by Dib, to slip past Zim and into the house while he still stood yelling his head off through the front door.

"Gir?" she called out, walking through the house. "Gi-ir?" She reached into the multi-dimensional storage bag and pulled out a fistfull of pink heart-shaped candies. "Oh _Gi_-_ir_?" she cried again, shaking the candy so that the little robot could hear her. "I've got _candy_ for you!"

"_Yaaaaaaaaay!_" The insanely happy, high pitched squeal could be heard everywhere as the teal lit robot rampaged towards them. "_Candiiieeess_"

"Yes, Gir, candies," Hiki said, handing them over to Gir, who immediantly snatched and guzzled them all down. "And would you like to have some _more _candies, Gir?"

The robot stuck out his tongue and manically nodded his head.

"Good. Well, Gir, I would like you to come with me on an _adventure_."

"With candies?"

"Yes Gir. Lots of candies. Oh, the candies I shall give."

"_Yaay_! Where are we going?" His blue eyes shone up at her inquisitively.

"We're going on a _camping_ _trip_!"

"Really?"

"Yes."

"_Yay_! _Wow_!"

"Good. So are you coming?"

"Yes."

"Good. Oh, and one more thing, Gir, where's you're off switch?"

"Oh that's easy!" Gir gave a really, really big grin and clapped his hands. He imediantly fell to the ground and turned off.

Hiki and Dib just stood there for a moment, unable to comprehend why anyone would give a robot such a dumb switch. Hiki was the first to recover, grabbing Gir and stuffing him into her bag. She fired up the radar and it opend another portal. As she grabbed her equipment and stepped halfway through she turned quickly behind her to face Dib.

"Oh and _Dibby_?" she called in a high-pitched tone.

Dib winced. "Yes."

"Don't worry, cause after I'm done wreaking havic on one or more of the other worlds, I'll come back to mess up here!" And with that, she turned back and jumped straight through the portal, leaving a very wide-eyed and petrified Dib to stare after her as it closed.

Zim, who had finally peeled the cucumbers off of his eyes came trotting silently beside him.

"Hi Dib."

"Hi Zim."

"_Get out of my house!"_

"Okay! I'm going! I'm going!"

The portal opened and spat Hiki out into a much more graceful, beautifully drawn forest. Hiki got up, pulled out a mirror and admired her new anime reflection. Her purple, almond shaped eyes were bigger now, accentuating the characteristics of her new, manga drawn face. She gave a quick stretch-test of her wings – yes, they still worked – and then got right down to business. She wasted no time in pulling out various different high-tech items from her bag and chucking them on the ground. They all transformed and expanded out, turning the campsite into miniture high-tech war base.

"Now," she cackled, rubbing her hand together maniacly – yep, she was talking to herself again. "To launch my own miniture war and get revenge upon the GW boys, when they did nothing to me in the first place! AHA! AHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" (The scary thing here is, I'm cackling about it in real life.)

Then she took out a scanning device and flew off in search of the poor, innocent Gundam kids. What kind of havoc awaited for her to do ahead? And, more to the point, how should I write this so that I don't look as lame as I do now...

It was mid-morning, and Duo, just waking up like any other work-free mid-morning, decided to go to the fridge and get a drink. He was still dressed in a black, long-sleeved pajama top and his 'DeathScythe Gundam Wing' boxers when he opened the fridge door, grabbed the milk carton and lifted it to his lips.

"Use a glass." he heard a feminine voice say from behind him.

"Sorry," he apologised. His mind was still foggy as he grabbed the glass, poured the milk in, took a gulp and _swung around spitting it all in the winged girl's face!_Frowning, she wiped the milk from her delicate features.

The first thing Duo had noticed were her wings. Big, fluffy, pure white wings. This scared him, as he quickly backed himself against the nearest and farthest corner of the kitchen counter and cried.

"We _died_, didn't we?" he asked, his voice trembling with fear. "We all got killed in our sleep last night, and you're an angel here for our souls, right?"

Hiki just stood there, watching the weeping Duo. She started shaking. Finally, she couldn't hold it in anymore and she burst out laughing! "An _angel_!" she repeated, holding her aching sides. "He thinks he's _dead_! He thinks I'm an _angel_!" She continued on with her heavy laughing.

Duo started to calm down at the same time, studying the wierd girl. Could she be an engineered assasin?

"Are you her to kill us, then? Are you from Oz?"

"Nope. ," she replied wiping the tears from her eyes. "But I'm far, far worse. I'm here to make your everyday lives a living nightmare by irritating all of you far more than even _you_, Duo, are capable of handling."

"_What_?_ You're nuts!_"

"Why yes, yes I am." She nodded her head in agreement.

"Who _does _that?"

"Hang-on a minute," she said, removing some of the lint from under her nail. "Okay, continue."

Duo just looked at her. This girl was insane!

_Click_. Went the sound of a readied gun next to her ear. "Don't move. Stay right there," Heero said evenly. The rest of the guys were standing almost behind him, all holding their guns. Except for Quatre, who was trembling and cuddling his teddy-bear.

"Careful, Heero, she not right up _here_." Duo motioned to his head.

"Yes, Heero," Hiki stated in agreeance and turned Heeros way, "Put the gun down. You'll only waste a bullet, anyway."

Heero stepped back and held the gun up sharply, "Hands above you're head. _Do it now! I said do it!_".

Hiki reached for the gun. BANG! Heero shot her in the head! She clasped her hands over her face. "Aaarrgghh!" she cried, "I'm bleeeeeeding!"

Everyone was in shock and grossed out! Quatre started to cry!

"Just kidding." She smiled and her hands came off her head. There wasn't a mark there! Everyone was now backing away for their lives! Quatre started to whimper-bawl!

"Ahh, Quatre, grow a backbone," Hiki said.

Out of habit, Wufei snorted. "This is coming from a crazy _onna_."

At this, Hiki trapped Wufie in a forcefield and stalked up to him. He tried desprately to get away.

"Wuffie, as a 'girl' I take offense to that comment. So I just wanted to give you this." She removed the forcefield and kicked Wufie in the shin.

"_**OOOOOWWWW!**_" he cried and hopped around in pain.

Hiki grinned. "Well, that was fun." Everyone gave her incredeous looks as she started walking towards the door, stopping once to call back over her shoulder, "And don't worry boys, I'll be back."

Her words still resounded in their ears as she walked away. Wufei finally stopped hopping and bent over to take care of his poor, sore shin. Trowa was patting the crying Quatre on the back, calming him down, telling him it was okay. Heero was studying the now recovered flattened bullet. Duo was busy thinking how it was such a shame that a girl that hot could be so nuts. How they would handle her, what they were going to do, they did not know. But one thing was for sure...

"_Wait a second_!" All heads turned to the doorway too see the irrational girl come back in. "Just one more thing." They watched as she ran up to Wufei and kicked him in the other shin. "_Owww! What did you do that for?!"_

Hiki just closed her eyes and gave an insanely cheerful grin. "I just never seem to get sick of it." She giggled and skipped back out the door.

Everyone froze there, blinking, until Quatre started crying again, and Wufei started joining him. And one thing was for sure...

...eh forget it. I got nothin'.


	3. Heero's Gun won't Save Him Now!

DISCLAIMER: Dear diary, today I managed to pull off a giant corporate takeover in which I somehow raised billions of dollars and bought out the whole, entire MadMan company just so that I could say that I now not only own Gundam Wing but every other anime and video game that MadMan is related to as well.

**WRONG!!**

I'm not even aspiring to steal anyones anime, so WHY do I have to write this stupid disclaimer? #sigh# Here's the story...

Chapter 3: Heero's Gun won't Save Him Now!

Three days had passed since the mysterious crazy girl had first appeared. Quatre had now stopped crying and was playing a nice game of tea party that he had dragged Trowa into against his will. Wufei's shins were starting to heal, Heero was designing a new and better weapon against invincablity, and Duo was playing the 'Game-Station' for probably about the sixth hour in a row. They all tried to forget. Who knew? Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe there was no real danger and she wouldn't come back. Or maybe she was working behind the scenes right now...

'Ding-dong!' rang the doorbell of the gigantic Darlian Mansion. "Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!"

"I'm coming!" called Relena who had given the door-servant a break today.

"Ding-dong!" Relena opened the door and watched the brown haired winged girl who was still ringing the door bell in front of her. "Ding-dong! Ding-dong! Ding-dong!"

"Um.. can you please stop doing that?" she asked, startling the girl and making her jump back in fright.

"Oh, sorry." She smiled sheepishly gathering her wits. "It's just that I love doing that, it's so much fun!"

"I know what you mean," nodded Relena, "I know what you mean. Say, those wings make a great costume. They look so real."

"Oh, these old things? Well, now that you mention it, they're sort of a prop for the job I'm doing. It's for that new reality TV show, you know, 'Voice of an Angel'?"

Relena nodded. "Now that you mention it, I think I have."

"Good. Now I need to take a sample of your voice with this." Hiki pulled out a tape recorder. "It's so that we can trial you for being a contestant!"

Relena's eyes widened. "A contestant? Me?"

"Yes," nodded Hiki. "Now just say something into this tape recorder."

"You mean sing?"

"No,speaking will do. Oh, and say it in a certain way like when you're talking about Heero Yuy."

"Wait a minute, how do you know about Heero Yuy?"

"Umm..." Hiki stammered, "Uh...girl, you're in love. Every self-respecting female knows that there's no shaking that 'depthful glow' when you're talking about Heero Yuy!"

And Relena, her brains too scrambled with the newly reawakened Heero obsession, bought it.

"Okay. _I love you, Heero_!" she screamed into the recorder. Cats meowed, several windows shattered, and in the distance about three different car alarms could be heard going off.

Hiki took her finger and squeeky-cleaned out one ear. "Very nice," she lied. "I'm going to take this back to the judges now. It's a real beauty." Then she turned around and ran away.

Relena slammed the door and squeeled in excitement. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I have to go tell Heero!" And with that she ran up stairs to go tell her Heero-shrine.

"Purrrrfect!" Hiki giggled back at camp as she played around with and programmed her equipment. She picked up a mini-microphone and played Relena's horrible, irritating voice into it. Next, she played with the console of her computer until the rhythm of Relena's voice could be copied, twisted and warped with great ease. Finally, as a test she spoke four words into a microphone; "Heero Yuy, you're first!" And they sounded exactly like Relena. Hiki cackled wickedly. She gathered her things, stuffed them into that 'special' bag and flew off to proceed with phase one...

Quatre was in the kitchen making pasta for everyone for dinner. He was nearly finished serving and went to set the table, making the mistake of leaving the drinks on a tray by the open window. A delicate milky-tanned hand reached in through the opening and dropped exactly two very strong sleeping pills in each drink. They had just enough time to dissolve before Quatre returned to finish placing the bowls and, lastly, the drinks on the table.

"Dinner's ready!" he called, and Hiki had to stiffle her laughter as everyone sat down, unsuspecting of the poison that lay in their beverages.

Everyone had nearly finished when Heero noticed something odd and turned to Duo. "Duo?"

"Hn?" Duo replied.

"You're quiet. Why?"

"It's nothing." Duo screwed his face up in a strange expression. "I just feel really, really tired all of a sudden. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"Hey don't sweat it, Duo," Quatre said, "I'm feeling tired myself."

"Yeah." said Heero. "I think the recent missions have started to play on all of us. Perhaps we should all turn in early tonight so we'll be ready in the morning."

Everyone nodded in agreement and started heading off to bed while Quatre decided to stay and at least clear the table up.

"Need help?" Heero asked.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Quatre yawned. "I'm only moving the dishes to the sink. I'll wash them all tommorrow."

"Ok then." With that, Heero turned around and went off to bed.

Eventually, all the lights were switched off, giving Hiki her queue. She squatted patiently for at least another ten minutes, then picked up her things, picked the lock and snuck inside.

"Oouufff!" she puffed, tripping over Quatre who had collasped after turning off the lights. She got up and looked at him. 'Awww,' she thought, 'he looks so peaceful!' Somehow, when Hiki thought of Quatre, she couldn't help thinking of some scared little kid cuddling a doll. It was hard to believe he was a warrior. He looked so harmless! _Ah well_, she thought as she stepped over him and walked away, _too bad he's gonna suffer like the rest of 'em!_

Using stealth she crept up the stairs, searching for Heero's room." She opened Duo's door first, then Trowa's, and on the third try she got Heero's. Hiki barely managed to repress her squeals of delight as she pulled out the neccessary items to complete phase one of her self-appointed mission. She opened her hand to reveal two almost microscopic, radio-transmittic, ultra-big-worded devices and a pair of tweezers. Using the tweezers she pressed one into each of Heero's ears until the tiny little nippers on each of the devices gripped onto the nearest patch of skin. This caused Heero to wince slightly but he did not wake up. Hiki silently giggled, packed the tweezers into the bag and half-skipped, half-crept out of the room. And right intoWufei.

"Ow! Watch where you're going! Aaarrgh!" He shrieked, "The crazy onna's back!"

Hiki raised a hand, powered up and let out a blast of energy. Wufie froze. "Don't move, breathe or speak, _Woopie_!"

"Injustice! That was insulting!"

"And your attitude towards woman isn't? Hmf. Anyway, I'm _much _better at insulting you than Duo, _aren't _I?"

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

"You didn't drink the lemonade at the dinner table tonight, did you Woof-Woof?"

Wookie's...I mean Wufei's eyes widened in realization. "You drugged us?"

"Yup!" nodded Hiki, grinning. "I'm so great! Oh yes. I am. I love myself _sooo _much! So anyway, did you or did you not drink the lemonade tonight?"

"No," said _Wocky_, shaking his head, "I drank green tea instead."

Hiki's expression went from smirkish to incredulous and stupified. "_What?_"

"I drank green tea instead."

"Who in their _right minds _drinks _green tea _with _pasta _at night?!"

"It's healthy," Wufei stated quietly.

"It's _sick _and _wrong_!" Hiki shouted sarcasticaly, pulling a tonfar out of her bag.

Wufie saw it and backed off some. "What are you gonna do with that?" he inquired, wide-eyed, looking at the long wooden object.

"Fine then, _nosey._ If you really must know, I'm going to wack you over the head with it. Then I'm gonna drug you so that the last 20 minutes seem like only a dream. And the rest I'm not even going to tell you because you shouldn't be nosing into other peoples business in the first place!"

Wufei was about to run but Hiki took the tonfar and hit him really hard over the head! She grabbed the syringe and injected him. Then she picked him up and carried him to his bedroom. She proceeded to tuck him into the bed and took a book off of the bookshelf that was seated above the bedhead. She then turned the bruised side of his head upwards and placed the book just beside him so that it looked like it was an accident. She had just finished admiring her work whenWufei opened his eyes and groaned. Sighing, Hiki took the tonfar out again and grabbed another book off of the shelf...

It was morning again, the sky was blue, the sun was shining, AND THOSE STUPID BIRDS WERE AT IT AGAIN!!! **AAAARRRGGHH!!! '**_Squawk!_' '_Tweet!_' '_Moo!_' '_**BRZZ!-BRZZ!**_' (Chainsaw.) '_Grind!_' '_Splatter!_' Ahh, that's better. Now where was I...

Duo Maxwell slouched into to the kitchen, probably to finish off that previous cartoon of milk. He noticed that his head felt strange, like he had a hangover.

"Whooaa! Oouff!" He tripped over the still sleeping Quatre.

"Watch your step," he heard a voice from the table say. Trowa was already up, sipping his coffee with a plate of toast in front of him.

"What is Quatre doing on the floor?" Duo asked, picking himself up.

"Don't know," Trowa replied, picking up a nearby newspaper and reading it.

"Aw well." Duo shrugged and continued to the kitchen. He was to muggy to move Quatre himself and he looked safe enough there anyway. So why disturb him?

Upstairs, Heero Yuy had just started to drag himself out of bed when he heard a loud growl come from the room down the end of the corridoor. Wufei's room.

Curious, Heero got up and went see what that was about. There in the bed was poor ol' Wufei, nursing two huge purple bumps on his head. Heero looked at the 'fallen' books beside him and smirked.

"Baka. I told you that putting that shelf up there was a bad idea."

Wufei held his aching head and glared at Heero from the corner of his eye. "**Shut**. **Up**. Got it?"

"Whatever." Heero repressed his smile and headed down to the kitchen.

Wufei got up a little while later, _with _a headache, and proceeded to join the others downstairs.

By now, Quatre had gotten up and was seated at the table along with everyone else. Wufei went into the kitchen, pulled out the aspirin, swallowed about three pills, (an overdose, 'cos he such a big boy!) and pulled up a chair to join them.

Duo, by nature, of course, noticed the two purple bumps on Wufei's head. "Whoa, man, what happened to you?"

Wufei just glared at him. Hard.

Quatre chose to intervene. "Wufei, are you alright?"

"No," Wufei stated and said no more.

Duo took a look around the table at everyone else and realised that they all looked as hung-over as he did. "I feel sick. Does anyone else feel sick?"

Everyone started to look confused and nodded strangely as _they_ realised that they could actually relate to Duo's weird quiestion.

"Actually, I do."

"Yeah, me too."

"What's wrong with us?"

"Quatre," asked Heero, "Did you put something in the food?"

Quatre gave a girly gasp and put a hand over his mouth. "Why, I would never!"

"Are you sure, Quatre?" Wufei asked, "Cos I think I had some sort of strange dream last night. I can't remember it clearly but..."

Far away, seated on a tall pine tree branch with binoculors and laptop spread out on her lap, was Hiki. She was laughing and cackling away at the converstion the boys were having as she watched them on the screen. Obviously she had installed some hidden cameras last night too...

"I pride myself on my cooking skills!" Quatre argued back. "And my frilly aprons!"

"What do aprons have to do with this?" Heero asked.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd noticed them before." He walked over to the kitchen drawer and pulled one out. Holding it up he squeeled in delight. "EEEEEEE!! It's pink! Isn't it just gorgous?!"

Everything went dead silent as everyone stared at Quatre looking really, _really _afraid...

Hiki giggled, still watching the screen. She pulled out a little remote with a bright red button and decided that now was the perfect time...

Everyone was still staring at the way-too-feminine Quatre when something painful snapped in Heero's ears. He winced. "Argh!"

"Are you alright?" Quatre asked.

"Yeah," Heero grunted. "I'm fine."

'_Heeeerrooo!_' Heero snapped to attention! While the rest of the pilots watched in him curiously, he looked around the room. "Did you hear that?" he asked. He could have sworn he'd heard Relena's horrible voice...!

Still sitting on that far away tree, Hiki giggled and spoke into the microphone again...

'_Heeerrooo! I love you_, _Heero!_'

"Aarrgh! Don't tell me you guys didn't hear that!"

"Didn't hear what?" Wufei looked confused.

"Nothing, nothing. Never mind. Don't worry about it."

"Okay."

But over the course of the next 3 days, Heero's newfound 'condition' gradually worsened. Slowly, he started to hear Relena's haunted, love sick tone more and more. Heero started to have fits. Heero started to have nightmares and talk to himself. And all the while, Hiki was watching this footage on her laptop and giggling so much that she nearly fell out of the tree! Five days had passed when both Trowa and Duo, for the third time that week, walked in on Heero in the TV room while he was quivering and huddled like a fetus.

"_Go away_, _Relena_! _Go away_!"

'_But I love you, Heero! I'm a part of you now! And we'll be together for ever and ever!_'

"_Noooooooo_!" screamed Heero. "_Get away from me_!"

"Who are you talking to, Heero?" Duo asked a little _too _nicely.

"It's Relena! Can't you hear her? She's here!" he bawled. "She's here!"

"There's no one else here," Trowa stated.

"_That's not true_!" Heero yelled hystericall, pointing to the wall across the room. "She's there! Can't you see?! She's disguised as the shadow! It was her all along! First she's gonna force me to _marry_ her! _And then she's gonna take over the world!_" The other two quickly stepped aside to make way as Heero Yuy ran to grab an emergency axe that was hanging nearby. He then swung around, running battle style towords the incriminated wall! "_I'll stop you, Relena! And your evil army of dustbunnies, too! That's right! Omae o korosu!_" And with that, Heero started hacking the wall up.

Trowa and Duo stood watching from a distance, frozen with terror. Quatre and Wufei, who were upstairs, heard all the racket going on below them and raced down to see what was going on.

"I hate you, Relena!" Heero screamed.

"Okay..." Wufie slowly admitted. "He's finally cracked. I mean _officially_ cracked. Weakling."

"What should we do?" asked Quatre.

"You're asking _me_?"

Meanwhile, just outside the house...

Hiki slowly crept up to the front door in her brand new fatso-the-salesman disguise. Her wings were safely tucked away and she was carrying a white metalic box, no bigger than her chest. She paused just a few inches away from the door, listening to Heeros insane rants. She cackled quietly. It was probably best to do a little laughing now rather then be smiling too much during her upcoming act...


	4. The Portable Padded Room 3000

**DISCLAIMER:** ...I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING I WILL NOT PLAUGERISE GUNDAM WING #author puts down chalk and steps away from chalk board# "There, 100 lines. I hope that makes them happy!" #runs out of room while she still can!#...

Chapter 4: The Portable Padded Room 3000!

**"WOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOOLLOO!!!"** By now, Heero was making war cries and chasing his own shadow/slash/Relena around the house.

"Ding-dong!" The sound of the doorbell was barely audible over '_The War on Relena_', but Duo heard it and went to answer it.

"Greetings!" cheered a fat, red cheeked salesman who was holding up some sort of wierd, cube-shaped product. "And boy, have I got a deal for you!"

Duo winced as Heero's voice rang out from behind him. "_A-ha-ha-ha-ha_! I hate you Relena! Ha-ha! _I hate you_!" He turned back to the salesman.

"Uh, now's not really a good time."

"Is that a crazy person you've got in there?" the salesman asked in a strange tone.

"Yeah. So?" Duo raised an eyebrow.

"Wow! What a coincidence! Then boy, have I got the _perfect_ deal for _you_!" the sales man exclaimed, barging happily through the doorway.

"What? _Wait_! You can't come in here!"

Wufei had been standing with Trowa and the now trembling Quatre, watching Heero go nuts, when his eyes caught the curious happenings at the door. He strode over to the salesman to see what was going on. "What are you doing?" he asked annoyed.

"Selling you the deal of a lifetime!" the salesman stated as he swung his arm enthusiastically in the air.

"Get out," Wufei ordered.

Hiki wavered a bit. '_My plan isn't working!_' she thought. "Wait! Not until you see the 'Portable Padded Room 3000!'"

Wufei just blinked. "_What_?"

"You heard me. The 'Portable Padded Room 3000!' It's a stupid product, I know. I just can't believe that I've finally found a place that actually_ needs _it!"

"Why would anyone even _sell _that? Must be a dumb onna's idea."

Duo was sure he heared the salesman give a low growl at this comment, but he quickly dismissed it. Wufei quickly turned back to the other two pilots in the main room and motioned for them to come to the door.

"So what's this 'Portable Padded Room 3000!' do, anyway?" Duo asked.

"Oh, it's simple. You just place it on the ground with the button facing up. Then you press this nice red button, and back off really, _really _far away. I mean _really _far away. So very far away must you back. So far that - "

"Just get on with it!"

"Hmf! Okay then, _Mr. Bossy_. Then it expands into a lovely white coloured padded room, all ready for use with keys and even a free straight jacket! Then, when you're finished with it, just press the red button on the wall again and it folds back into this lovely chrome coloured box." The saleman then started speaking at super speed.

"Makesurethatpatientisoutsideofbboxfirstbeforecollaspingit.Wethecompany/inventorsofthisproductarenottobeheldresposibleforanyinjury,burnsorevendeathaqquiredbytheeuseofthisproduct.Norefundsavailable.Inacceptingthisproductyouthecustomerautomaticallyagreetoeverythingthatiswrittenorspokenabove."

"_What_?"

"Nevermind!" The salesman smiled at them. "Just come outside, everyone, and I'll show you!"

Everyone was about to go when Wufie noticed something. "Who's gonna watch Heero?"

**"**_**THAT VASE WON'T PROTECT YOU RELENA!!**_**"** '_Smash!_'

Trowa sighed and volunteered. "I'll stay."

"Good," replied the salesman. "This way, everyone! Follow me!" And they all followed him to a special spot somewhere outside, while Trowa stood in the doorway and watched Heero losing his mind and the others proceed outside and out of harm's way.

"Now then," the salesman said putting the cube down, red button facing up on a clear patch of dirt. He pressed the button. "Everyone! Stand back! Stand back!" Everybody frantically cleared the way. The chrome-coloured box popped, fizzled, and KA-BOOM! When the dust and smoke cleared, there before them stood a cabin-sized, white, metalic building. It had no windows, an airconditioning unit, and the only door that appeared was locked down with seven huge locks.

"Wanna closer look?" the salesman asked, jingling some keys that were equipped with a remote.

"Okay!" Duo chirped. He snatched the keys off of the salesman and ran towards the building. Everyone else just followed behind him, looking around and taking it in. By the time they had gotten there Duo had opened all seven of the locks, flung the door open and ran inside. Wufei was tempted to lock _him _in there.

"Wow!" Quatre exclaimed. "Look at this place!" The walls and floor that surrounded them were padded and all made out of cushions. There was a bed in the corner that was all made out of cushions, a lounge chair that was all made out of cushions, and finally some teddy bears that were pretty cushion-y themselves. Quatre squealed when he saw this and ran up to hug them. Wufei rolled his eyes. He looked up and noticed a music speaker in the ceiling. He also noticed a brightly coloured poster on the wall that read "Be Happy! (Or else!)".

"Hey Wuffie!" Duo caught his attention, "You have _got _to try this!" And with that, Duo took a running jump at the padded wall, hit it with a plump and landed softly and unscathed on the ground. Wufei grunted at him.

"You baka!"

"Aww, come-_on_ _Wu-man!_ This is _great!_ I don't know why we never got one of these things before!"

Wufei screwed his nose up and stared at Duo for asking such a dumb question. "_What_?"

"So does that mean you'll buy it?" the salesman asked, wearing a smile that was a little _too _big.

"Hey, don't look at me. I'm not paying for some dumb onna's idea."

'_There's that growl again,_' Duo thought.

"I'll pay!" Quatre suddenly perked up, jumping up and down in excitement.

"Excellent! Now that'll be one million dollars for the 'Portable' uh...thing. And the straight jacket is gonna cost an extra hundred bucks."

"Injustice!" Wufei seethed. "You said that the straight jacket was for _free_."

"Yes, I did. You buy the padded room, and for an extra hundred dollars you get the straight jacket _all _for _free_!"

"Injustice!"

"I'll take it!" Quatre grinned. Wufei just groaned again and settled his head in his hands.

"Do you take cash or credit?"

"Cash."

"Ok."

Wufei looked up and watched dubiuosly as Quatre pulled, handful by handful,one _million _andone hundred _dollars_ from his pockets and placed it all into the salesman's big, hungry arms. He already knew his friend was rich, but this was just too much!

"You carry around one_ million dollars_ worth of _notes_ in your _pockets_?"

"A-huh." Quatre nodded.

"_Why_?"

"For occassions such as these."

"_For occasions such as_...?! Oh, of _course_!" Wufei almost spat with sarcasm. They were _all _mad! They _all _belonged in here!

"Well, thank you for your time, everyone," the salesman said, graciously backing out of the room, his arms wadded full of cash. "Hope to see you again soon! Have a nice day! Goodbye, now!"

And with that, Hiki skipped merrily down the path in her salesman disguise, humming all the way. She figured she'd go visit the candy store before proceeding to go on with phase three.

Wufei went up to Duo, snatched the keys and headed back to the house for Heero. "Come on guys," he grumbled, "Might as well get this over with..."

Ten cuts, seven bruises, three gunshot wounds and a grumpy Heero later...

_'BANG!_' '_BANG!_' '_BANG!_' "Let me out, let me out, let me out!" _'BANG!_' _'BANG!_' Heero's thumps could be heard for miles, even with the padded walls that lined the room.

"Think he'll be getting over it anytime soon?" Trowa, with a raised eyebrow, pondered out loud.

"It's the shadows!I can hear Relena plotting something with her evil dustbunnies! I'm not crazy! _I swear_!"

"Nevermind."

"Ooh. I feel kinda bad just leaving him in there," Quatre said.

"I _don't_!" Wufei snipped, nursing his wounded arm. "He _shot me _getting the straight jacket on!"

"Lucky you, then, Wu-Chang!" Duo practically screamed, "He shot me _twice_! And both times in the foot, too!"

The boys just stood there in the afternoon sun, listening to Heero yelling at himself. Until Trowa finally realised something.

"Hey guys, there's a silence switch here on the remote." Trowa held it up, and sure enough, plain as day, the switch was there.

"Well then _turn it on!_" Wufie exclaimed. And Trowa did.

_Flick!_ "_Let me out! I'm not crazy! Really!" Whoosh. _Something seemed to seal itself off within the walls, and Heero's screaming was no more.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey!" piped Duo, "Now that Heero's locked in there, unable to do things to us, we should do something special! Something that we couldn't normally do, because Heero would shoot us.

"But what?" pondered Wufei, and everyone looked deep in thought.

"We could go raid his stuff?" Trowa suggested.

"Hey! Good Idea!" Duo chirped, "Come on everyone, _let's go raid Heero's stuff!_"

"Yeah!"

"Fine with me."

"Okay!"

And with that, everyone headed upstairs to spend the rest of the afternoon raiding Heero's stuff...

_Later in the evening_...

Nightfall had come, Heero's room was a mess, and every single one of the Gundam Pilots had gone to bed. Everyone, that is, except for Heero, who was sitting in the brightly lit padded room, sober and wide awake. The voices of Relena's had, of course, stopped ages ago, along with his insanity. As he sat there, Heero Yuy racked his brain trying to figure out how all this even happened in the first place. Could it be a flaw in his genetic make-up? Heero pondered this and then shook his head. It couldn't have been. At least, he certainly hoped not. Maybe Relena had finally gotten to him. Yeah, that was it. Relena and her evil voice. Or maybe he'd been drugged. Could _Oz _be responsible for this?

Heero was still pondering this when a _whoosh_ noise came from the corner, jolting him from his thoughts. He watched in silence as a secret trapdoor, about a good half body length up from the ground, opened up to reveal that crazy girl from about two weeks back!

"_You!_" Heero's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, me," Hiki responded leaning in. "It's nicely airconditioned in here, isn't it? And do you like the poster on the wall? I made it myself."

Heero's eyes, nostrols and whatever else flared up with anger. "_**You**_ did this?!" he half-asked, half-stated.

"Uh, _yep_!" She smiled.

In silent anger, Heero lowered his head. Darkness seemed to cover his eyes. "Omae o korosu," he told her quietly.

Hiki cupped her hand over her ear. "Say what?"

Heero looked up at her. His cobalt eyes looked as angry as fire. "Omae. O. Korosu!"

"_Say what_?"

"_Omae_-"

"_What?_"

"_Omae_-"

"_What_?"

"AARRGGHH!!!" Heero cried, "_Why_ did you do this to me?!"

Hiki looked thoughtfully out into space. "I _don't _know," she replied.

"Well, then _what _did you do to me?!"

"Well," blushed Hiki proudly, "if you _really _want to know...about a week ago, when wimpy widdle Quatre was ever so happily preparing pasta for dinner, he made the mistake of leaving the drinks out by the opened window. That's when I slipped the sleeping pills in and - "

"Wait!" Heero's eyes went wide. "You mean you _drugged_ us?!"

Hiki frowned. "_Yes_, _dopey_, now let me continue. Anyway...uh yes, and you all drank it, except for _Wookie_, who decided to be an idiot and drank green tea instead. _Green tea!_ I mean, who _does_ that at dinner time? Anyhow, you all went up to bed, save for _tea-head_, and went to sleep. And that's when I came in, see, me," she was doing little hand gestures, "into your room, and put an almost microscopic, two way radio transmitter in each of your ears. They're still in there."

Heero glared at her and rubbed his ear against his shoulder. "You can't get them out," Hiki continued. "Not without your hands, anyway. And let me tell you, it wasn't easy. You had quite a build up of wax. I planned to disguise my voice as Relena's and drive you mad. Which, of course, I did. I got a sample of her dreadful squealy voice by tricking her into a quick tape recording for a supposed singing contest. Anyhow...oh yeah. And after putting those things in your ear I laughed, maniacaly, and went out the bedroom door. The tea-boy came along and I had to knock him out with a tonfar. Then I had to drug him so he wouldn't remember seeing me well. Then I picked him up and dumped him in his bed, took a book off of the bookshelf and made it look like he'd been hit by that instead. I had almost finished when 'he-who-drinks-tea' woke-up again, so I took the tonfar out and repeated the process. After I had finished doing everything I wanted, and reading Duo's diary, I flew off dramatically into the night with the moonlight reflecting off of my wings. Any questions?"

"I _will _kill you."

"Hey, there, see, I understood that.Ya see how much better it is when we're all talking the _same _language here?"

All went silent for the next half-minute as Heero regarded the nut job who was leaning into the window, smiling sweetly and innocently like nothing was wrong. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Finally he decided to talk.

"Where'd you get the," he motioned to the padded cell around him, "'room'?"

"My mom's rich, so ages ago I bought a whole heap of high-tech army supplies, like this fold-up padded room!"

"How did my comrades get it?"

"I dressed up as a salesman and sold it to them. I made a nice profit, too!"

"Are you working with anybody? Did any secrets companies hire you out?"

"Nope."

"Then why did you do this?"

"Hmmm... I still don't know."

"How much do you know about us?"

"Quite a lot," said Hiki, "quite a lot."

"How do you know so much about us?"

"Would you believe me if I told you that you're all cartoon characters and I've been watching you through a DVD series called 'Gundam Wing'?"

Silence echoed as crickets chirped.

_Okay_, Heero thought, _she's not gonna give me a straight answer on that one_. He tried another question.

"What's your name?"

"Hiki. Hiki Malloy."

"Where do you live?"

"In another dimension."

_Silence. Crickets chirping. Silence._

"Why aren't you locked up in a mental institution?"

"Because you are."

"That makes no sense!"

"Exactly," Hiki said evenly.

"_What? _Argh! Fine then! _Never mind! _Why are you here now?"

"Oh!" Hiki's eyes suddenly lit up. "That's right! Here, I brought you some company!" Heero watched her yet again as she bent over and picked up a small, clumsy looking robot with big, blue eyes. That's right! It was _GIR!_ Invader Zim's _stupid_, _hyper-active_, _crazy_, _loud_, _annoying_, _more big words_, _menacing _little robot that eats tacos and _looooves cand_-eh! Poor, poor Heero! _Oh yeah_!

"TACO-O-O-S!!" the annoying thing screeched. Heero started to worry.

"No, no, um, that's _Ooo_kay. Really. I'll just tough it out alone. I don't need any company."

"Nonsense!" Hiki laughed, putting Gir down inside of the padded cell and patting him on the head. "Now Gir," she whispered, "be a good boy and try to make the nice boy happy. And remember, no matter how much he _begs_, _cries_, _screams_,_ threatens to kill himself_, or just kindly asks you to stop singing and annoying him, keep it up because it means he just wants more. And if you do it enough, he might even give you some _CANDY!_" (Gasp! What has she done?! _Oh no!_)

"_Candy_?!" asked Gir, wide-eyed and overly happy.

"Yes! _Cand-eh_!" she said.

"_Yayyy_!" Gir clapped.

"Good." She turned her attention back to Heero. "Well, good-bye now! Best of luck! _You'll need it!_" she muttered closing the trap door behind her and sealing it. With an evil laugh, she flew away.

Gir and Heero stood in front of each other for a long time, staring each other face-to-face.

"May I have some candy _now_?" asked Gir hopefully.

"No."

A short moment of silence passed between them.

"_Now_?" Gir asked again.

"No."

More silence.

"_Now_?"

"Listen here you little bucket of bolts, I don't have any..."

"_Caaaaaandy_!" the moronic little machine squealed happily before running all around the room. Poor, poor Heero started to look very, _very, very _scared.

_Daybreak came_...

And everyone came downstairs to the breakfast table. It was decided that Quatre would make breakfast, Trowa would wash the dishes, and Duo was still limping from a hurt foot, so that left Wufei to check on Heero.

"Ooooh _no_! _No way_! Yesterday I got shot in the arm! Trowa, you're pretty brave. I'll wash the dishes, you can go check on Yuy!"

But Trowa wasn't budging. "Fat chance," he murmered, and then went to help Quatre make breakfast so he'd look even _more _busy.

"Just do it already," said Duo.

"Baka, shut-up!" Wufei scolded as he turned around and started to stomp out of the door. He mumbled at least five '_injustices_' between the opening the front door and marching out to the cell, and when he reached it, he pulled the remote out of his pocket and de-activated the 'silence' mode. _At least Yuy isn't screaming anymore,_ he thought. He unlocked the large, metal doorway and opened it up.

"_Wheeeeeeeeeeee!_" A little blue and gray speck flew past him! Wufei blinked. He stuck his head back in the door to look at Heero. "What was that?" he asked him.

Poor, poor Heero. His hair was a mess, his eyes were baggy and he looked like he had been..._crying_?

"That," Heero gritted tiredly pressing his teeth together, "was '_Gir_'. He likes sunsets, waffles, candy and ice cream, and, oh yeah, _screaming his head off for ten hours straight_"

"_What_? But how'd did he _get in here_?"

Heero got up very calmly and walked over to Wufei. Wufei could tell that he had been through _a lot_. When Heero got there, he looked him _straight _in the _eye._

"I'll tell you that, but first I want you to tell me something. You remember that night about a week ago when Quatre made pasta, we all went to bed early and you woke up with two bruises on your head?"

"Yeah," Wufei said, not following was he was getting at, "_why?_"

"You wouldn't remember having any _strange dreams _that night about a certain crazy, winged girl who visited us around just three weeks back, now, would you?"

Wufei thought about it. "Well, now that you mention it..."

Trowa and Quatre were in the kitchen making waffles. Duo, of course, was waiting eagerly at the table for them. He was _almost _as eager as...

"_Waffles_!" a screechy, high-pitched voice rang out as a tiny blue and gray thing bounded in and sped around the house. Quatre got such a fright from this that he dropped all of the waffles straight onto the floor.

"Awww!" pouted Duo, "My waffles!"

The hyper-active little speedy thing ran up to where the ruined waffles lay. "Waffles!" he shouted and then started to eat them all up. Duo limped up to the robot and gave him a short kick. "You stupid little robot! Now look what you've done to my breakfast!"

Gir began to cry.

"There there," shushed Quatre, picking the small robot up and hugging him. "It's alright. Actually," he stated holding the robot up and studying him. "I think you're kind of cute!"

Gir squealed. "Yayy! I'm cute!"

"And irritating!" Duo sulked.

"But cute!" Quatre said, cooing all over him. Quatre ran up to Trowa. "Can we keep him? Huh? Can we? _Pleeeeaasse?_!"

Trowa grunted. Duo snatched the little robot from Quatre headed out the door.

"Hey! Wait Duo! Where are you taking him?!" Quatre called as he started to run after him.

"Out to see if he has an owner who can _**pay for my waffles**_!"

Trowa sighed and shook his head. _Might as well_, he thought, following them. Maybe Heero had some spare room left in that padded cell...

"There you go, Yuy," Wufei said, getting the last of Heero's straight jacket off. Heero paused for a moment to stretch and flex.

"Thanks, Chang. I'm sorry about shooting you in the arm yesterday."

Wufie sighed. "That's fine. I just still have trouble believing that it's that easy to drive someone insane so quickly! I mean, that _stupid onna _only played Relena's voice in your ears for _five days_!"

Heero had finished plucking the micro-radios out of his ears and turned to show Wufei what they looked like. "It was _Relena's _voice," he reminded him, and Chang nodded. That had said it _all_.

"Hey! Wu-man!" Duo called out, limping up to them. He was holding the previously and above mentioned '_Gir_' and was being tailed by an obviously over-anxious Quatre. "Have you seen anyone else around here? This thing _better _have an owner 'cos he _stole my breakfast_!"

Heero backed off at the return of the devillish little imp that had caused him so much pain during the night and said, "You keep that..._thing_ _**away**_from _**me**_"

"Touchy-touchy!" Duo said before whispering to Wufei, "_Is he, you know, sane_?"

"Yes," Wufei stated. "In fact, it wasn't even a natural occurence in the first place. Somebody _forced_ him to act like that."

"But how can that be?" asked Trowa.

"Well, you remember that promise that the crazy onna with wings made two weeks ago?"

Everyone paused. Duo shook his head. "No. What'd she say again?"

Wufei continued. "She said she'd be back. And trust us," he motioned to Heero and himself, "she _did _come back. _She _is responsible for everything that happened in the past week."

Quatre and Trowa started to realise that it had to be true and looked really worried. Duo was still clueless. Suddenly, Gir squirmed out of Duo's grip and ran screaming, high-pitched to a spot behind them.

"Yay! Hiki's back!"

"_**Argh**_" Heero jumped behind Chang, "_She's back!_"

"**EEEEEEEEEP**!" Quatre squeaked. "_It's her!_"

"_Yayy! I want candy!_" Gir screamed. "The grumpy boy didn't give me any candy last night at all!"

"That's okay Gir," Hiki said and pulled out a bagfull, "here ya go!"

"_Yaaaaaaaayyy_!" Gir screeched, grabbing the bag. He then proceeded, _with _the bag, to run around _everyone_ in circles. Heero and Quatre inched just a little bit closer to Chang. Chang Wufei inched just a little bit further away.

Hiki, noticing Quatre's scared reaction, made a hard and intimidating stomp in his direction. "Boo!"

"_EEEEEEEEEK!_" Quatre wet himself. Heero and Wufie both backed _right away_.

"Weakling!" Chang scolded. "Afraid of a stupid onna!"

"Come right _here _and say it!" Hiki smirked at him. Chang, having been taught all that 'ancient wisdom' and such, shut his mouth straight away.

"I didn't think so. Well, by now I assume that you would _all know _that it was _I_ who made your past week so horrible!" she announced proudly.

"What?" Duo asked. Everyone ignored him.

"Why'd you do it?" Trowa asked.

"Because," she stated importantly, like she was on some kind of mission or something, "because I _can_!"

"But what you did was so- so- _insane_!" Wufei _tried _to reason. _Tried _being the word.

"_What's everybody talking about_?" wailed Duo, "_What's going on_"

Hiki smirked at him. "What do you _think _is going on on here?"

Duo's eyes widened and he gasped! "Oh you wicked, _wicked _creature!" he drawled. "You sent that _evil_ little robot here to _steal...away...my...breakfast_!" Duo was huffing with anger.

"No, not really," she shook her head, "That kinda happened by accident."

Duo stopped huffing and blinked. "Oh. Well, what then?"

"Figure it out."

"I'm confused."

"I know."

"Will you two just get to the point!" Trowa grumped. This was _really _getting annoying.

Hiki sighed. "Ok. Point being," she took a deep breath, "Heero I drove you mad, sold them a padded cell to keep you in, made a million even though I wasn't in it for the cash and had a big, _big_ laugh along the way!"

"But it wasn't funny," Heero whined.

Hiki nodded. "It _was_, wasn't it?"

"It _wasn't!_" Heero was starting to get some of his old anger back.

"Whatever," she huffed, snatching the running Gir up from the ground mid-circle and heading towards the group. "You'll _never _go far in life with an attitude like _that_." Everyone one cleared the way as she walked through, stopping midway to kick Wufei in the shin.

"_Ooowww_Stupid half-crazed female!"

Hiki glared at him. "_**Full**_-crazed female, thank-you very much! Now I'm off! And don't worry," she leered at them, "_I'll be back_!" She laughed a deep, evil laugh then took wing and left. Everyone that remained there shuddered, watching her leave, terrified of her return. Then Quatre ran inside to clean himself off. Trowa locked _himself _inside of the padded room. Duo stomped off sulking about his breakfast. Wufei grabbed Heero by the arm and dragged him towards the house. "Come on, Yuy! We're ordering some re-enforcements!"

"Wufei you know that we can't contact base for another month!" Heero protested for sake of the mission, "They said they have enemies that might detect us! And blow us all to _bits_!"

"Look, would you rather be blown to bits in a painful battle by _Oz_ or wait for that _onna_, that _nutjob_, to come back here and play another one of her '_harmless little pranks_' on _you_ and the others? Well, Yuy? Possible death by massacre? Or _her_?"

Heero weighed these options for a moment. "I see your point! I choose death! Let's go!" And with that, the two boys ran towards the house. Chang powered up the communications ray. While Heero...

"**YOU GUYS!!!**" A loud, angry voice echoed from upstairs. (Author winces.) "**MY ROOM IS A MESS!!! **_**WHAT**_** DID YOU **_**DO**_** TO MY **_**STUFF?**_**! AARRRGGH!! OMAE O KOROSU!!!**"


	5. Teddy Ends It All!

DISCLAIMER: We all already _know_ that I don't own Gundam Wing, so I'll just take this time to tell you that to many apple seeds are bad for you. One man who ate a whole cupfull of them actually died! O.o

Chapter 5: Teddy Ends it All!

Since that...that...that _girl_ had driven Heero mad, time proceeded to pass by slowly. Wufei and Heero had disobeyed the orders of their command and contacted home base. They risked certain death through enemy detection just so they could ask for re-enforcements! Home base was _not _impressed. Ten minutes later they sent them a package, via shooting star of course, with a whole heap of weapons and a notice saying:

_To 'Heero' and 'Wufei',_

_Do __**not **__contact us again! He are some weapons so you can handle her __**yourselves!**__ Quite frankly, Heero, we are suprised at you! And Wufei, who'd have thought that you couldn't even handle a wittle girl?_

_Once again, stay out of contact!_

_Loves and cackles, your friendly scientists from above. _

Wufie growled deeply at the note in his hand. '_A wittle girl._" Those last three words looped and echoed in his mind. '_A wittle girl!_' He could just imagine the staff back home, all huddled around the computer screen, _laughing _at him! The notice scrunched together tightly in Wufie's hard pressed hand as he continued to growl at these images.

"Don't let it get to you," Heero told him, "They're all just a bunch of geeks who spend all of their time bunched up around a computer base anyway. They're weaker then Relena _at their best._"

Wufei sighed. "_Fine_." Chang allowed his arms to relax. Heero's comment had made him feel slightly better. _Slightly_.

Quatre and Trowa were in Quatre's room playing tea-parties again, with Trowa all but tied to the chair.

"Would you like some more tea, _Lady Trowa_?" Quatre asked. "How about you, _Mr. Jingles_?"

Trowa said nothing. The bear said nothing. Trowa looked over at the poor, tattered teddy-bear and thought, '_I know what you mean, man. I know what you mean._'

Duo was in his room, rummaging around, looking for his diary. When he finally found it, he opened it up and a narrow slip of paper swept out towards the floor. Frowning curiously, he bent over to pick the paper up and began to read;

_Dear Duo,_

_Nice hand-writing! I think it's really sweet that you think that I'm cute!_

Duo paused as his face went bright red! She read his diary! His own, personal diary! Fuming, Duo continued...

_But that's ok, I think that you're kinda cute too. And I love your braid! But don't expect any mercy. I came all the way here so that I could mess up your lives and I'm not going back without results! Anyhoo... I was bored so I twisted and warped your other colleagues' names around, and I thought you might like the results. There are a few for Trowa and Quatre, but much more for Heero and Wufei! Feel free to use them as much as you can and enjoy!_

_Love, Hiki._

Duo squinted as he read the following names on the list. His anger faded almost straight away! And a slow, mischevious smile crept across his facial features as his eyes widened and began to sparkle just a little too much!

(_Uh-oh!_)...

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Hiki grinned maniacly, watching this footage as it transmitted _from _the hallway camera outside Duo's doorway and tothe media window on her screen. _It was sealed! _Duo Maxwell had now officially become her pawn...

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­The next two days went something like this...

_Quatre passing Duo in the hallway..._

"Hi Duo!"

"Hi Q-ball!" Duo chirped and walked away.

"Huh?" Quatre paused mid-stride.

_Trowa playing Duo at chess..._

"You know, Truffles, this game is _really _boring."

Trowa raised and eyebrow at Duo inquisitively.

"What?" Duo responded. "I said, '_Trowa_ the game is really boring.'"

Trowa grunted in disbelief.

_Duo waiting outside the bathroom door for Heero to finish using the shower..._

_BANG-BANG-BANG! _"_Heeeeee-rooo!_" he whined, "Hurry-up in there! My hair is extra-sensitive and it hasn't been washed for a _whole day_, Heero! _A whole enitre day_!"

"Get over it!" came the muffled reply.

"He's been in there for twenty whole minutes!" Duo grumbled to himself, leaning his back against the doorway, "Stupid _She_-ro!"

Suddenly the door flung open to reveal an angry Heero, dripping wet, with a vanilla towel wrapped tightly around his waste.

"_What_ did you call me?"

Duo contemplated this for a second. "Umm, I said stupid _'Heero'_?" Duo smiled weakly. But the perfect soldier didn't buy it.

"_No, _you _didn't_, _Maxwell_. _You lie!_"

And with that, Heero single-handedly gripped Duo's throat in a neckbrace and headed for the stairs. He then stopped, thought better of it, and headed back to the bathroom to give _Duo _and his _hair_ an '_extra-sensitive_' whirlie.

_Duo and Wufei training in arm to arm combat..._

"Maxwell, give it up!" _Thwap!_ "You _know _you can't beat me!" Chang yelled and blocked another punch.

"Oh yeah?" _Woosh!_ "Try this on for size!" _Duck_! Duo's leg flung out. _Boosh!_

"Pathetic!" Chang caught it and barrel rolled him through the air.

Duo landed. _Thump!_ "_Oow_!" He got up and rubbed his bruised side. "_That hurt!_"

"It was supposed to, _weakling_!" Wufie smirked sliding into a fighting position, "Ha! Relena could beat you with her eyes closed!"

"Oh yeah?" Duo slid into a fighting position himself, "Bring it on, _Whoopie!_"

Chang paused for a moment as what Duo had just said sunk in. His face went from mild suprise to _angry_ and _vengent! _

"_Duo_," Chang spoke slowly, forcing himself to stay calm, "Did you just call me a _girl's _name?"

Duo looked thoughtful for a moment and scratched the back of his neck. "Oh, that's a girl's name too? Heh. I was thinking _Whoopie _as in _whoopie cushion_!"

"_Good_!" Chang's voice was thick with sattire as he stalked towards him. "Then you only _half _get to die."

Duo started to back up. "Hey! Chang! Buddy! Old pal! You can't just beat up your ol' teammate over a little old name!"

"Oh I'm not just beating you up, Duo. This is _training_. _Remember_?"

Poor Duo. All he could do was to gulp and nod his head...

Needless to say, that little bit of _'training' _was of no lesson to Duo. And near the end of the weekday week, Duo's little 'connotations' were getting so frequent that A) Duo had so many bruises on him that he was beggining to look like a dalmation and B) Duo's bunk-mates had had enough...

Quatre, Trowa and Heero were sitting down at the breakfast table. Quatre was giggling to himself and sipping tea. Trowa was watching him with great concern and praying that his giggling didn't mean another tea-party. And Heero was polishing his gun. Just then -

"_AAAARRRRGGGHH!!!_"All heads flung towards upstairs. _Pound, pound, pound! _"Maxwell! You coward! _Open this door!_"

_"Run and hide, Wufie! Remember, run and hide!" _

_Thump! _"Agh! My foot! _Grrrrrrrrr!_"

The other three soldiers sighed as Wufie appeared downstairs. Heero just plainly looked at him.

"Don't tell me, Duo's name calling again?"

"Yes," said Wufie, "And this time he called me something that was a...'_Wookiee!'_"

Trowa's eyebrow raised. "What's a _'Wookiee'_?"

Heero spoke. "It's a big, hairy, fictional alien creature that came from an ancient earth movie called '_Star Wars_'."

All wearing thoughtful expressions, everyone looked toward Heero.

"What? The scientists had a large data-base when I was in training. And I did occasionally get some free time."

"So you could sit and watch video clips? Huh?"

Heero blushed. "_No_. They were for...educational purposes."

Trowa scoffed. "_Pfft!_ Whatever."

Frowning, Heero turned his attention back to Wufei. "If you didn't know what it was, why'd you get so angry about it in the first place?"

Wufei was still obviously irritated as he pulled a chair up toward them and saddled it. "Because. He's been calling us names all week!"

"Yeah!" said Quatre, "He called me a 'Q-Ball!'"

"That's nothing!" piped Trowa, "He called me Truffles!"

Heero just had to smile at _that._

"Yeah?" Wufie said, "He called me _Woolie_, and _Woof-woof_," he clenched his fist, "_**grrrr**_, and _Wormie!_" gritted his teeth, "and _Whirlie!_" started to growl...

"_Wait!_" Heero interrupted before Chang could get any madder, "He called me names too! About more than_ thirty_, in fact..."

"Ten " Said Quatre.

"Fifteen" Stated Trowa.

"Twenty" Wufei grunted.

"Huh!" scoffed Heero, clearly unimpressed, "I counted at least thirty five!"

A moment of silence passed over the table as everyone thought this over.

Finally, Wufei broke it.

"Yes, but where's he been _getting _all of them? I mean, the names he's been calling me are actually pretty good. They're not too _lame_, if you know what I'm getting at."

"Same here."

"Me too."

"Hn."

More silence. Then Heero slowly began to speak.

"It's almost as if they were...organised."

"Yeah," Wufei said, "like he got 'em off the web, or something."

Trowa smiled. "We could take his internet connections away."

"Now I _know _he won't like that," laughed Heero.

Quatre looked serious, though. He slowly shook his head. "I'm not so sure that that's where he's been getting them all."

Everyone stopped to look up at Quatre.

"What do you _mean_?" asked Heero.

"Well, I noticed twice the other day that when he had any trouble calling me names he would pull out a long printed list. Now, I know that that doesn't say he didn't get them off of the internet, but..."

"But what, Quatre?"

"Well, when I read some of the words through the paper, I'm pretty sure that I saw the words _'love Hiki'_."

Heero's eyes flung wide open! "That's _her_!"

"You don't think that she _gave _it to him, do you?"

"Well the girl drove me insane in just _five days _and then sold you all a 'portable padded room' to put me in. And at the _same time _made a million bucks off of Quatre over here!"

"Hmm," Quatre pondered aloud, "well I suppose it is _possible_."

"Well guys," Heero started getting up, "I say we all go up stairs and_ find out_!" Everyone nodded and headed straight up to Heero's room.

_Knock-Knock-Knock!_ "_Who is it?_"

"It's us, _Duo_, now _open up!_"

"_What_?! _All _of you? Oh _come on_,Heero! I haven't even called you any names yet today!"

"Duo we know about the list and we know it was from Hiki."

"What? Who's _Hiki_?"

Chang spoke up. "You know, 'Hiki', that crazy girl with the wings."

There was a pause as Mr. I-Don't-Tell-A-Lie thought about this.

"I only _found _the piece of paper. I didn't see no _Hiki_."

"Maxwell, if you don't open this door by the count of ten, _I'm going to cut your braid while you're asleep!_"

Duo sighed. "Fine."

There was a quick rattling from the door knob as Duo unlocked the door and then opened it.

"Here," he said handing them the slip of paper, "I was nearly out of names at any rate."

Heero took the paper and turned around to skim over it while Wufei took the chance to smack Duo in the head.

"_Oooowww!_" Duo whined as he rubbed his sore cranium. "What'd you go and do _that _for?"

"For letting her _use _you!"

"Yeah, Duo," Heero turned back to him, "You _assisted _the enemy here!"

"But she's just a little girl!" Duo winged.

Heero frowned, "She's _not _that little and _frankly_, I don't care just _how much _I shouldn't be getting emotional; she is starting to get on my nerves!"

"Well, what are we going to do about her?" Trowa asked.

"Well, she's probably camping out somewhere near here. I say that we go out and we _kill her!_"

"But she's probably invincible!" Wufie piped up, "And she has that forcefield power thing too."

"Then we'll take the Gundams!" said Heero.

"_Wait!_" Quatre inquired, "Do we _really _want go out and kill off some poor, deranged and deluded girl here?"

Heero thought about this for a second. "It's for the sake of the mission," he chirped.

"Yeah! The mission," cheered Wufei.

"For the mission!" Trowa agreed.

"_Charge!_"

"_Oooo! _I had better go _with_ them!" Quatre worried aloud and began to follow. He turned quickly back to Duo. "Duo, someone needs to watch the house, so you better stay here."

"Fine, then. Whatever." Duo shrugged and went back to whatever he was doing. He didn't really _want _to go kill Hiki, anyway. He actually thought that some of her jokes were quite funny!

_Oh well,_ Duo thought as he grasped the 'Game Station' controls back firmly in his hands, t_hey're probably just wasting they're time now, anyways._

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Hiki crept silently up to the house. Cameras watching from inside the house had told her that all of the the pilots had left except one. _And to go battle her! _HA!She was almost tempted to go back there and show them just how stupidly they were acting. Still, she had had a beautiful idea and this idea deserved to be turned into a fantastic prank. On...bum, bum, bum..._Quatre!_ That's who!

_Gasp! I know what you're thinking! You're thinking either A) Not Quatre! The guy's cute, sweet and a total wimp! Or B) We know what you're up to – the title of this chapter gave it all away! Hmmmph! Well, good for you! Know-it-alls! I go to all the trouble of thinking up my beautiful (snicker!), majestic (cackle!) wonderful (oh no, I sound like Treize!), __**FULL ON GREATEST PLAN AND YOU ALL JUST SIT THERE, CRITISISING AND GOING "HAHA, WE'RE SO SMART 'COS WE FIGURED IT ALLLLL OUT"!! WELL**__**I'LL SHOW YOU!!!!**__ (Laughs maniacly) __**I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!! JUST WAIT AND SEE!! 'COS AS LONG AS I COULD JUST SIT HERE, WRITING AWAY, and do...**__ nothing...through the screen...oh man! Well, don't give me your address or anything during reviews, 'cos I'm bad! Yeah! Anyway, for all those good, kindly, dearly, sweet souls out there who haven't figured out yet what's going on, on with the story... _

Hiki snuck slowly around the house until she spotted her prize...an open window! Something had told Hiki that she had be quiet about this, as (however cute), there was still a Gundam pilot in the house. See, for her special plan to work, there had to be _no witnesses at all cost!_ But she just couldn't bring herself to _kill _Duo. Not while he was _cute!_ And not while there was still a (_growingly_) crazy, obsessed author ready to strike at her throat at any given moment. Oh no! This had to be done with stealth or not at all! Deciding this time not to use her noisy wings, she instead used her forcefield abilities to levititate herself and her bag up to the window and _slip in_.

She silently placed her feet on the ground and proceeded to walk around, or rather _invade _the privacy of Wufei's room! Thinking of what a _nut job _Wufie was, she took the supreme liberty of re-organising and re-decorating his stuff! The ultimate-_tea-freak_-of-justice would be _furious!_ Satisfied with having organised it to _feminine officialty_, she then gave a quick smirk as she tucked his diary away for her bed-time reading. Taking out a calling card and leaving it there, she turned around, gently opened and closed the door, and padded down to Quatre's room where the evil fun (mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha) would begin!...(Cackle, splutter, cough!)

Hiki closed the door with a malicious grin and eyed Quatre's dear, sweet teddy bear. Mr. Jingles sat silent and still upon the pillows, although if you had been there you could have sworn you could see it shiver, which made the homocidal Hiki smile even more! "He-hehehehe!" she cackled quietly, allowing the inanimate teddy bear to 'cower fearfully in dread. Pulling out some objects, and almost sure the teddy bear was watching, she proceeded to place before it some:

Rope;

a pen;

some paper;

and a razor sharp axe!

She wouldn't need the axe but it added to the effect! She picked up the rope and turned, grinning evilly, to face the cute, doomed, and adorable teddy bear. "Now, now, my precious," she cooned, "it'll all be over soon! He-he!"

It was noon by the time that Trowa, Wufei, Heero and Quatre came tiredly trudging through the door.

"Well, I don't know about you guys," stated Quatre, "but I'm beat!"

"Yeah, me too!" yawned Trowa.

They all started heading up the stairs.

"I just can't believe we didn't find anything," Wufei grumbled.

"Me too." Heero sounded just as disappointed. "We'll get her next time, though."

"Yeah," Wufei agreed as he disappeared into his room, "next time!"

Duo's door opened to reveal a bouncing Duo, wide awake and full of his usual energy. "Hiya, guys!" he practically sang, "so how did the so called 'mission' go?"

"Heero opened his mouth and began to reply, when...

"_MAXWELL!_"

Everyone in the hallway jumped with suprise and turned to see Wufei flinging out of his room.

"You _baka_! You couldn't even stay and gaurd the house this one time, could you?"

Somehow knowing where this was all going, Heero just looked at him quizzical. "What?"

"GARRGH! My room!" He flung a hand in through the doorway, "Just _look _at my _room_! That _woman _rearranged it!"

At their own pace, everyone walked, rushed and strode over to Wufei's room and looked inside. Sure enough, everything was 'daintilly' redecorated. From the neatly stacked gadgets and cds to a make-shift crayon flowered feature wall. The chinese candles in the corner were now replaced with pink, frilly, scented ones. The samurai swords were now draped with spakly beads and pink ribbons and there was a fresh vanilla air-freshner smell that now permeated the room. In his horror, Wufei went to go check the underwear drawer but Duo, in a freak moment of wisdom saw him set out and stopped him.

"Uh.. Chang, buddy, are you sure it was her?"

Chang paused midstride and spun around to face him on his heel. "_Maxwell, who the #hay# _(pg language)_ else could it be?!_ You baka! This is _all your fault!_"

Duo's lips just curled up in a shameful 'o'. Trowa picked this particular 'tranquil' moment to speak up.

"Um, I'm gonna go check my room."

"Me too," remarked Heero.

"Me as well," agreed Quatre and everyone seperated and ran off. Wufei still stood there, glaring at Duo with a deathlock. Duo squirmed.

"Well don't blame me.."

"I _blame_ you!"

Suddenly...

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO _(takes breath) -_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_"

"Is that Quatre?"

"Yeah."

Everyone ran madly over to Quatre's room to check it out. What they found when they got there was, well, um, strange. There was Quatre, bawling with tears, hugging, no wait, _wrenching _his beloved teddy bear. The teddy bear had a rope around it's neck leading up to and attached to the fan. Quatre held a tear-stained, red-inked letter in his left hand. Trowa walked forward and knelt beside him to try and comfort the tear-drawn pilot, while Duo walked forward, pulled the crumpled note away, opened it up and began to read aloud...

_Dear Quatre,_

_Let me just start by saying first that you were, and still are, the best friend that a bear could ask for. I love you so much. Remember that time when we were at that place, and we did that thing, and you said that word, and then we laughed? Those are the times that you have got to remember, Quatre. You see, for a while now I've been keeping a sort of secret from you. I have long developed 'Dyslencerturpintine', which is a cancerous, brain-sucking, parasite alien tumor thing. It is unfortunately life terminating and because of this I have hung myself, unable to live much longer with the knowledge that I'll have to leave you. Please don't blame yoursef, Quatre, as there was no way you could have known that this was coming. Keep in mind that I am happier this way! I pray that you will forgive me and you have my best hopes for the future! I love you, Quatre, and remember, 'We are all part of the great circle of life'. Or some other sentimental trash like that. Here I go now! See ya!_

_Love, teddy._

"A suicide note from...'teddy'?" Heero said that last part really slow.

Wufei scoffed. "Well, who would believe _that_?"

"_WHHHHYYYYYY_" Quatre wailed with Trowa still patting his back. "He was s-s-so ," Quatre hiccupped, "_young_" Quatre continued to wail.

"I stand corrected."

When Duo turned around to face Heero and Wufei they could see that he'd started to _panic! _"You guys! This is really, _really_ bad!"

Quatre was whispering hysterically in the background._ "Why didn't he just t-t-tell m-me?! This is all my fault! How could I not have known?!"_

Chang scoffed and sarcastically raised an eyebrow. "What? Are you going to start crying over that stuffed toy, too?"

_"Pleeasse don't leave me!"_

"_No_," Duo gritted his teeth, "but Quatre _really _loves that bear."

_"Come back, Teddikens! Please! Come back!"_

"So what? We'll just tell him it isn't real," Heero said plainly.

_"Take me with you, Teddy! Take me with you!"_

"Yeah, think that will work? Remember what happened _last time _we tried to to do that? Remember the _base-ball_ incident? Huh?"

Chang's, Heero's and Trowa's eyes shot wide open upon hearing the memory of _that_ one! They all shuddered! _Brrrr!_ The _base-ball_ incident!

"_WAA-HA-HA-HAH_"

"Guys, he's right!" said Trowa still patting Quatre's back, "We're in some serious doop!"

Wufei stormed over to Quatre. "Here," he grumbled, "let me try something." Quatre was still crying and holding his teddy when Wufei got there and snatched it from his hands. He held the bear to his ear and jiggled it around briefly. "What's that teddy? You said you were only joking?" Wufei jiggled it around a bit more, "Ok, I'll tell him." Wufei looked down at Quatre. "Teddy says to tell you that it was all just a cruel and senseless joke, and that he isn't dead." The _teddy-whispering-Wufei_ reminisced with the teddy a bit more, "He says to tell you that... you've been... _punked!_" Everyone stood there, watching, praying as Quatre silently thought this over, and they hoped to all that was goodness that his child-like brain would register what they were saying. Finally, Quatre spoke.

"_Wufie!_" he gasped at him, hurt, in shock and fury and snatched the poor, _deceased_ teddy back! "How could you? I thought you were my friend! How could you make fun of poor Mr. Jingles d-d-_death?_" And with that, Quatre once again began to wail.

Wufie sighed heavily. "Well, I tried."

Heero growled and rubbed his brow. "Everyone, outside in the hallway, _now!_ We all need to discuss this."

"Ok."

"Alright."

"Fine." Trowa sighed and reluctantly left Quatre's side. Everyone followed Heero outside.

"You guys," Heero started fearfully, "I think that we may have to end up telling him... _the truth!_"

"But just think of what we'll have to go through!" Duo exclaimed. "You all _know_ what happens everytime someone tells him that his teddy isn't real! Why _else _do you think we all let him drag it along side to missions and stuff?!"

"We could just let him cry for a few days?" Wufei suggested, "Look at him. I think he's even started to calm down. He'll get over it."

They all stopped and peered back through the doorway at Quatre. The small, blond fifteen year old was now silently cradling his teddy, giving a few sniffs before... "WAAHAHAHAHAAAA!Teddy, this will always be a scar on my heart and I'll cry for months and I'll never forget youuuuuu!"

"Well there goes _that _theory!" Heero, with sarcasistic remorse, remarked.

Wufei clenched his fists. "This is all _her _fault!"

Hiki had snuck back into the house and was now approaching Heero, coming up from the stairs.

"Yes! _Me again_!" she practically sang.

"Ah!" Heero jumped, but quickly reagained his composure.

"_You!_" he stated.

"_You!_" Wufei growled.

"Um, yeah, _you!_" Duo tried to growl.

"Why?" Trowa asked.

"Why else," she smiled as she strutted into the room, "because it was funny! And because I _can!_ _Ahh_," she sighed, "I just love basking in the marvel of my incredeous plan!"

"_It. Wasn't. Funny!_" Wufie growled all the more, "Do you even _realise _just what you have _done_? Now we're the poor suckers who'll have to go back there and straighten the poor guy out!"

Suddenly, Duo realised something. "Hey, you guys, why don't we just go and _tell Quatre _that it was Hiki who actually did it? He knows she's been pulling pranks!"

Everybody mentally slapped their heads. _Duh_! Of _course!_

"Yeah!" Wufei now looked relived and started to _smile_, "And if he still thinks the bear's dead 'cos she hung him anyway, we could have Heero do an autopsy, say that the way she hung him wasn't lethal, and that she just knocked him out for a while with some sleeping pills!"

Heero nodded. "Sounds like a plan!" Leaving Hiki behind, yelling after them, shocked and upset that they might foil her plan, the four pilots all turned on their heels and headed back into Quatre's room.

"_Stop right there_!" came a loud, anonymous voice from nowhere. The Gundam boys _and_ Hiki all stopped and looked up toward the ceiling in confusion.

"And just who are you?" Duo asked.

"I AM THE AUTHOR! AND I HAVE SPENT FAR, FAR TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS CHAPTER TO HAVE ALL YOU BOYS RUIN IT NOW!"

"But why would anyone even write such horrible things?" Wufei wanted to know.

"BECAUSE IT'S FUN! BECAUSE I WANT TO! AND FOR _REVIEWS!_ (_Hint-hint!_)"

The four remaining pilots started to look really, really scared!

"AND NOW, WITH MY POWERS OF DELETION, I SHALL ERASE ALL MEMORIES UP UNTILL ABOUT A MINUTE OR TWO BEFORE THIS MOMENT! AHAHAHAHA!" the author pushed a button on her keyboard, a bright white light flashed over everthing, and everyone was standing where they were in the hallway about two minutes before. Even Hiki.

"Yes! Me again...whoa!" She said holding her head, "Is anyone else getting major dejavu?"

"Hn," said Heero, "Well, now that you mention it..." Everbody started rubbing their heads absently and trying to remember something that had happened. Wufei was the first to shake it off.

"Nevermind! It doesn't matter! _You!_" He spoke spitefully, angrily pointing toward Hiki. "_You_ did this! And now we're gonna have to go back in there and tell Quatre that his teddy bear isn't real!"

"I've got a better idea," Duo started, "Why don't we all just tell him that Hiki..."

"FORGET IT!" interrupted the author, and Duo and company forgot.

"Are you psychotic?" asked Trowa.

"Well, I don't like to brag, but..." she trailed off.

Heero stepped forward and, very sternly, stared Hiki down. "Do _not_come here again! Because the next time you do, we will _all_ roll out the Gundams and_ attack you_! Do you understand what I am saying? We _will _try to and find a way to kill you!"

"Alright! I'm leaving already," she started walking away from them. Suddenly, she stopped, headed back to them and smirked. "_However_, I highly doubt that even your _pwescious Gwundams_ can kill _me_!" She stalked towards Wufei, "So I'll be _back_" and kicked him in the shins!

BONK!_**"OWW!" **_Hiki yelled and grabbed her freshly stubbed foot. Chang let out a victorious laugh!

"It won't work this time," cackled Chang as he rolled up the leg of his pants, "I've got _steel _shin gaurds on. See."

"Well, that's a shame," Hiki said and kicked him in the...

"AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" _Oooookaaay_! That must have really hurt!

"YOU _'BEEEEEP_" he called after her angrily as she skipped merrily down the stairs and out the front door. "YOU _COLD, HEARTLESS 'BEEEEEP-BEEP!!!' WOMAN!! ONNA!! _COME BACK HERE YOU '_BEEEEEEEEEPEDY-BEEP!!!! BEEP-BEEP! BEEEEEE_-..."

(Note: For the sake of Quatre and the children, and the unneccessary page space, the next ten lines of censored swearing shall all be skipped out on.)

Needless to say that by the end of ten minutes, everyone's ears were bleeding and Wufei had yelled his face red. Finally, Wufei choked, coughed and splattered for he could yell no more.

"Alright, everyone!" Heero yelled, gathering everyone together, "It looks like we have _no_ choice. We'll just have to tell Quatre that his teddy bear... isn't _real!_ Let's _**do**_ this!" Breifly they mustered up all their strength and headed back into Quatre's room. "Quatre," he said softly, putting his hand on the wailing fifteen year old's shoulder. "We need to _talk_."

Oh yeah, the Gundam Wing boys had surely learned the hatred of Hiki _that _day! 'Cos thanks to her, for 3 _long_ hours, filled with much kicking and punching and screams of denial, them and Quatre had finally had to have that _Big-boys_talk!


End file.
